Watching « Friends » in 2020: a racist, sexist and homophobic sitcom? Part III, The One with the Homophobe

As already established in Part I and II, although Friends is still regarded as one of the most popular TV shows of all time, lately the sitcom has not gone down very well with a new generation of viewers. Indeed, as the 90s show is watched through 21st-century eyes, it is said that it has not aged particularly well. Nearly a quarter of century has passed since Friends was first broadcasted, and while a new generation of viewers are discovering the hit show now available on Netflix, the sitcom is not left uncriticized. Indeed, millennials are taking a critical look at the show, and it seems that what was a must-see show for an entire generation in the 90s is now regarded as problematic for another. As reported by The Independent, the show was widely criticized on social networks by new viewers, but also by people who had known the sitcom in the 90s and wanted to benefit from its arrival on Netflix to rediscover their favourite show. Many were left disappointed by the storylines of Friends, and agreed with the millennials who accused the show of racism, sexism and homophobia. Of course, everybody does not agree on saying Friends is problematic. Many people fight tooth and nail against the accusations against their favourite show, lacking sometimes of objectivity.

I’ve already addressed the issue of racism and sexism in Friends in previous articles (that I invite you to read if not already done). This article deals with homophobia in the famous sitcom, and completes this series about how political correctness had had a massive impact on people’s tastes and how it can explain the recent reactions to the iconic sitcom Friends.

Toxic masculinity

In my previous article « Watching « Friends » in 2020: a racist, sexist and homophobic sitcom? Part II, The One with the Sexist », I mentioned how the sitcom conveys the idea of toxic masculinity in a way that perpetuates sexism throughout the series. Toxic masculinity is at its highest in the scene with the male nanny. Actually, this scene shows how sexism and homophobia are linked. Indeed, we can say that one of consequences of toxic masculinity is homophobia. As Kimmel said:

Never dress that way. Never talk or walk that way. Never show your feelings or get emotional. Always be prepared to demonstrate sexual interest in women that you meer, so it is impossible for any woman to get the wrong idea about you. In this sense, homophobia, the fear of being perceived as gay, as not a real man, keeps men exaggerating all the traditional rules of masculinity, including sexual predation with women. Homophobia and sexism go hand in hand.

Indeed, this need the male characters of Friends have to reassure their masculinity as much as possible, and their fear to be perceived as feminine is also linked to their fear of being perceived as gay. This, in addition to the numerous jokes on homosexuals, had led the sitcom to be accused of homophobia. Indeed, the three leading male characters are paranoid about others thinking they are gay, the most striking example being Chandler. There is a long running storyline about Chandler being homosexual, which is often the source of jokes amongst the group of friends. He is identified in the first season as having “a quality” of homosexuality. As a result of this, he is always afraid not being masculine enough and freaks out whenever he is a bit too close of a guy. Sharing hugs seems to be very problematic for the three guys, not to mention Ross and Joey’s drama when they take a nap together. Indeed, in The One with the Nap Partners, they wake up together in the couch, and scream when they realize they were sleeping arm in arm.

They swear not to talk about this again, but later in the episode they do it again, after having realized it was the best nap they ever had. The four other friends enter the flat at the end of the episode and watch, arms crossed and reproachfully, Joey and Ross taking a nap together, which left both of them very uncomfortable. The group of friends’ reaction to Joey and Ross’ nap remind parents being mad at their children because they did something bad, as if taking a nap with another guy was something forbidden.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1rI-kg2IGAI

Through the characters’ excessive fear of being perceived as gay, Friends seems to portray homosexuality as a threatening thing people should be afraid of. Plus, viewers also criticized the show’s numerous jokes on homosexuals, saying it is denigratory. It is true that there is very few episodes, if not zero, which does not make at least one joke on the topic. To illustrate this, Tijana Mamula edited a video called “Homophobic Friends”, available on YouTube, in which she recollected almost an hour of jokes focussing on homosexuality. When it is not Joey asking Ross “if the homosapiens were in fact homo sapiens, is this why they’re extinct?”, or Chandler saying that Joey is going to have a date with a man thanks to his bag, it is Rachel who laughs just because Ross said “homo (erectus)” during a lecture. A lot of these kinds of jokes show up during the ten seasons of the show, causing an underlying feeling of homophobia, to which we can also add lots of stereotypical comments on homosexuals: Ross asks the male nanny if he is gay (or gotta be at least be), Phoebe does not believe her homosexual friend is actually straight because he throws “such great Academy Award Parties”, or once again Ross, who says he should have known his ex-wife Carol was a lesbian because she always drank her beer directly from the can. For all these stereotypes, the pervasive jokes and paranoia about homosexuality, the sitcom was criticized as being homophobic.

TV’s first same-sex wedding

Yet, many people also defended the show against homophobia, arguing it is one of the first TV programming featuring a homosexual wedding. Indeed, in January 1996, a month after the broadcasting of December Bride, an episode from the sitcom Roseanne portraying what is said to be TV’s first same-sex wedding, the eleventh episode of the second season of Friends, entitled The One with the Lesbian Wedding, was released. As the title points out, it portrays Carol and Susan’s wedding. At that time, it was still illegal in the United States for a gay couple to marry, which is why we can argue Friends was taking a political position on the topic by broadcasting such an episode. Indeed, in the 90s, “while homosexuality was emerging as fashionable within popular culture, gay rights were a wedge issue among voters, and controversies raged concerning issues such as gays in the military and equal rights legislation” (Mittell 2010: 349). We can argue that the sitcom, at a time when homosexuality was still very controversial, took a step forward by representing a very happy and cute same-sex couple raising a child and getting married. It is also worth mentioning the sweet words Ross says to his ex-wife before her wedding:

Carol: My parents called this afternoon to say they weren’t coming.
Ross: Oh my god. Carol: I mean, I knew they were having trouble with this whole thing, but they’re my parents. They’re supposed to give me away and everything. […]
Ross: Look, do you love her? And you don’t have to be too emphatic about this.
Carol: Of course I do.
Ross: Well then that’s it. And if George and Adelaide can’t accept that, then the hell with them. Look, if my parents didn’t want me to marry you, no way that would have stopped me. Look, this is your wedding. Do it.

Although Ross is Carol’s ex-husband and was devastated when she left him for another person, he shows himself to be supportive in Carol’s doubts, even walking her down the aisle to compensate with her parents’ absence.

From Carol and Susan's wedding on Friends, such gorgeous tulip arm sheaf bouquets! For a better look at them watch '… | Tv weddings, Lesbian wedding, Wedding movies

Plus, it has to be mentioned that there was an actual political statement behind this episode. Indeed, the actress who officiates the wedding is Candace Gingrich. She is known for being a LGTB rights activist at the Human Rights Campaign whose political position is the opposite of her brother’s, Newt Gingrich, an American politician known for his homophobia. This choice obviously speaks about the producers’ position and the message that they wanted to spread: “You know, nothing makes God happier than when two people, any two people, come together in love. Friends, family, we’re gathered here today to join Carol and Susan in holy matrimony” (Season 2, episode 11). As a result of this, the episode was banned in Lima and Texas, which according to Jessica Sibbett (Carol) was actually a good thing because it “really brought the conversation to the table about it: this is about love, do you understand that?” (Sibbett cited by Emma Kelly 2017: n.p.).

In spite of the positive step Friends took by broadcasting this episode at a time when same-sex marriage was still illegal, we might take a different look at it in 2020. Indeed, 21st-century viewers may notice one important thing was missing from this wedding. Indeed, as the actresses themselves explained, Susan and Carol “weren’t allowed to kiss. […] It wasn’t not allowed, it just wasn’t filmed, that segment of the wedding” (Sibbett cited by Emma Kelly 2017: n.p.). Why can we see Chandler and Monica say “I do” and then romantically kiss but not Susan and Carol? That is not all: their characters were not just not allowed to kiss at their wedding, they were not allowed to kiss in the entire series. Indeed, if we get to see hundreds of kisses during the ten seasons, we never get to see Carol and Susan kissing. We can see Phoebe kissing a high number of different guys, Rachel kissing every man she has a crush on, not mentioning Joey’s numerous girlfriends, but we are not allowed to see a single kiss from the only couple which stays together from the beginning to the end. We do see same-sex kisses throughout the series, but only between heterosexual characters and as the butt of jokes. There was no problem to portray people kissing just for fun, but when it is about real love between two same-sex spouses, the kiss is just put aside.

Image de chandler bing, joey tribbiani, and quotes

Moreover, one can notice that the episode of the wedding is still based on a very stereotypical vision of homosexuality. For instance, most of the people present at the wedding are lesbians, as if homosexual persons could only have friends who have the same sexual orientation. Plus, the women were represented in a very tomboy way, playing one more time upon the lesbian stereotypes. It should also be underlined that, instead of focusing on Susan and Carol big day, most of the episode focuses on Joey and Chandler’s desperation to be in a wedding where they have no chance with women: they feel like “[supermen] without [their] power”. Moreover, Phoebe is ‘possessed’ by an old deceased lady who makes her say embarrassing things. After the sweet words pronounced by the minister, we would expect to see a romantic scene with Carol and Susan’s exchange of vows. Instead, the producers preferred to make Phoebe say “Oh my god, now I’ve seen everything”, in a very condescending manner. The wedding ceremony could have ended in a positive way, but instead they hide behind a so-called possessed woman (in a show which is anything but supernatural). All this shows that “just as history of racial representations suggests that visibility does not ensure successfully positive images, the growth of gay and lesbian representations has not simply been a tale of progress” (Mittell 2010: 349). Even if we must not forget the positive step it took at the time, watched from a 21st-perspective the wedding episode can be said to be a bit controversial.

Chandler’s trangender dad

Let’s do not forget to mention Chandler’s transgender dad, which is also often made fun of throughout the seasons. Chandler’s treatment of his father is often regarded as very mean and transphobic. Indeed, he makes it clear that he feels embarrassed by his dad and feels free to make as many sarcastic jokes as he wants about his loving father. He is very resentful and mocking, to the point that he does not invite his dad to his wedding at first. Chandler cannot even pronounce words such as “Hi, Dad” without vicious sarcasm, always accompanied by the laugh track. Plus, Chandler’s dad, now named Helena Handbasket, is constantly referred to by her birth name ‘Charles’ and incorrect labels are used when the characters talk about her, which in the show is a source of humor. Chandler’s mother even asks to her ex-husband: “Don’t you have a little too much penis to be wearing a dress like that?” (Season 7, episode 23), a ‘joke’ which was even applauded by the laugh track. Helena’s character was absolutely given no depth and the producer only introduced her to the show as a source of laughter, playing upon huge stereotypes about transgenderism. By doing so, Friends gives no room for Helena’s acceptance and diminishes the importance of transgender reality by turning the issue into a bad taste joke.

Conclusion

To conclude, even though the iconic sitcom Friends was making a positive political statement in favor of same-sex wedding and that it presented many other positive aspects, one cannot deny that from a 21st-century perspective, some of the storylines can be regarded as problematic. Thus, due to its lack of diversity, some of its male characters’ attitudes towards women, the pervasive idea of toxic masculinity, the numerous jokes on homosexuality, and the stereotypes it plays upon, the show can be said to convey racist, sexist, and homophobic ideas. The fact that 21st-century viewers’ reactions to the sitcom are different than 25 years ago is a proof of society’s change of perception regarding homosexuality and gender roles, but also of the fact that political correctness has become very important in our days. As Nicholas Barber explains, “what appears to be happening is that audiences are more sensitive than ever to perceived insults, and that they now have the technology to share that sensitivity with the world” (2015: n.p.). This growing importance of political correctness has raised a lot of debate, many people arguing that we have lost our sense of humour. Like Mel Brooks, many people think “we have become stupidly politically correct, which is the death of comedy” (Cited by RT 2018: n.p.). While in the past people used to turn off the TV if they did not like a show, with the birth of social networks viewers get used to share their opinion on Facebook or Twitter, and we might get sometimes the impression they are always looking for something that might offend them. Although I am not part of the ones who think political correctness has killed our sense of humour, it is true that it implies the danger of over analyzing everything. Paying attention to political correctness does not mean we have to exaggeratedly look for every little detail that might be offensive. We can find some examples of this for Friends. For instance, some viewers commented on scenes such as when the discussion goes around the giant gorilla new-born-Emma just received (Season 9, episode 2), saying it is racist because one of the characters talking in the very next scene is black. To me, this is a good example of how political correctness can lead to overinterpretations. Taking all this into account, we can conclude that the recent reactions to Friends illustrate society’s changes over the years, and watched in 2020, the famous sitcom can be regarded as racist, sexist and homophobic through some of the story lines mentioned above, although that does not mean everything in the sitcom is negative and problematic.

Please share your point of view on the topic and let me know what you think!

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